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10:45am 03/11/2004
 

:'(
I think Caramel died today... yeah, I'm pretty sure. Since when I was holding him he was cold and his eyes were a bit open. And obviously hamsters do not sleep with their eyes open. (Yeah, I know I sound like I'm not sure if he's dead, but I set him down pretty quick.) If there's a teensy chance he HASN'T died, well, he's DYING, and it's a good enough time as any to post this.

He was moving around really slow for the past week or so... he had been pretty energetic all the time before then but then he just stopped climbing around when we held him and would just let us pet him and he would fall asleep... and eventually he started limping and was having a hard time getting around his cage. We took out his big log thing that he sleeps under eventually and just gave him some fleece to sleep on... and this morning he was still alive and I held him for a bit and then I went like "I love you Carrie" (yeah, the annoying people I know would probably be like "ahhaahaha, he loves a hamster", but I like animals. They're people. You can love animals if you want to. They're like a more intelligent and agreeable kind of person). I just had this feeling he wouldn't be around much longer. So at least I said goodbye to him properly. Unlike Patches, who died kinda unexpectedly.

Well, I wrote a big obituary thing about Patches. I think I was always closer to Patches than Caramel, because for a long time Caramel had tunnels that he climbed around in, and he would sleep in there and there was no way to get him out, so I spent a lot more time with Patches. In fact, I actually thought Caramel was a girl until about a month ago. Don't laugh. I thought the male genital anatomy consisted of just a penis. And I didn't know rodents had retractable penises. o__o

Rylie just came downstairs all upset... she found out. *sigh*

Ohhhhhh, I miss him so much... :((

  
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10:49am 19/10/2004
 
mood: calm
I just came back from a solo thinking-alone time walk.

Yes, it is currently 1:30 at night.

Yes, it is beginning to mist outside.

Yes, the wind is extremely cold.

Yes, I had just gotten out of the shower.

Yes, I was (still am, actually) hungry and thirsty.

But I needed some thinking time.

About what?

About love.

(duh)

I guess all the things I need can be summed up into two categories.

(sneezes twice) Uh oh, I really hope i'm not catching sick.

Anyways, yes.

(munches Cheez-its quietly cause Sam is asleep)

I guess I want some alone time. But in that alone time I want to be warm on nights like this.

It's kind of hard to explain the two things. One involves smothering me with attention (online, on phone, in person), but giving me time to hang out with friends or be alone. The other involves being here, being able to cuddle and be warm.

Especially on a night like this.

I guess it's a fine line between seriousness and fun.

...brb, I need a soda.

(btw, all of you reading this, but are uninvolved in the current drama that's playing non-stop through my theatre of a head... i apologize for spamming your lj friends list. Now I continue ^_^)

Now, don't read too much unto this. I'm ranting at midnight under the influence of Cheez-its and diet Peosi. I ramble at night, as you all should know by now.

...hell, I ramble period.

But yes. Where was I?

Oh yeah, the point.

The point of this post.

I need some alone time.

I'm too far from Amy... plus I don't want her to have me as a hindrance. I've seen girls with guys at a young age... they depend on them too much... it's not a pretty sight.
As for Amanda, I'm way too insecure for her.

So in the end, I guess it works out. I'll talk to you both about this later, I guess... if you even bother reading this drama-ridden thing at all.

I really really need a hobby. I don't have a hobby, so I spend my time being lonely (I don't study, hence my C average). I think my hobby will be walks... but walks are only fun on overcast days, or at night. I used to have Neopets, but I don't wanna no more... heh. Sleep? Hah. I ono, I'll find something I guess.

Well, I'm off to play some games or listen to music or somethign. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't get any sleep at all tonight.		  
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12:24am 14/10/2004
 
mood: cheerful
music: Cyprus Hill - Rock Superstar

Well well well.. What have we got here?

Internet!!!

Finally i got my parents on a faster connection. I haven't updated in a very long time, that's because the connection couldn't handle it. But, there is one but, my loving parents want me to pay for internet.
Hell no?!
I can't pay for the bills! I just got fired yesterday. There goes my trip to the netherlands... Bummer.
But hey, at least i got that super cool mp3 player i wanted for ages! It's really cool, well.. i think so. Everybody else thinks it's just a... koelkast, isn't that right annelies ;)

Well that's it for now.. Don't have much to say today..

  
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11:14am 19/07/2004
 
mood: bitchy
music: Pogues & the Dubliners - In heaven there is no beer
God, i'm so tired!
wednesday i got word that mike was throwing a party at his house on sunday. I just went to check it out, but i wasn't expecting much of it. But i had a blast! great music, Great people to talk with. Just great. Till i came home. My parents where pretty upset, because i said i would be gone till 12am. Instaid i came rolling home at 6am, to drunk to stand rightup. I feel pretty shitty now..
Anyway, i will keep anyone updated about how i feel after the headaches and endles toilet visites..		  
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10:45am 19/07/2004
 
mood: surprised
music: Tool - Aenema
Whoa, I just managed to create a livejournal with just one try. Weird. It usually takes me 6 or 7 tries.

But anyway, Hi everybody. I'm Hendrik. *really?!* Yeah.
I'll maybe make some mistakes in my post, that's because my English is not very good. But just to keep some people satisfied, my livejournal is english. I'm a very willing person you know ;)
Well, that was kinda it.

Oeh wait. Just wanted to say hi to everybody I already added!		  
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